My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
