I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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