Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
