We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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