And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
