I want to walk on stilts...naked
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
