Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
