Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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