she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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