somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
