I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
