I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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