You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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