Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
