I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
