im six kinds of drunk right now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
