You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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