my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're like the curious george of whores
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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