first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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