Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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