Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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