U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
