God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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