If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
