On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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