I hate all girls vehemently.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
