Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
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When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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