I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
