So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
