Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
high people should be assigned attendants
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
