I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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