I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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