it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
