As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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