Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
