Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
