I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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