I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
