I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
