Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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