she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
