some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
