pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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