You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
"it" just moved
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
