Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
