I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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