I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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