My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
