yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
