oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
