im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
