whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
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He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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