you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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