He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
