just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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