I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
