no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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