just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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