I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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