Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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