so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
