my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
