I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
