You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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